Lost

I sometimes wonder
If it's all coming back
Did I go too far
Am I under attack?
I feel so guilty
And so ashamed.
I feel like I truly disgraced His name.
We used to be so close
And now I feel so far.
I'm looking for redemption
But I can't feel where you are.
I find myself lost in moments
Thinking of my past.
Wondering if my suffering
Will continue to last.
I believe in You Lord
But I stepped so far from light.
I believe in You, Lord
But for some reason, You're out of sight.
I see Your work
And I hear Your word
And I know that I paid a price
I truly couldn't afford.
And now I'm coming to You
Looking for aid.
But I wonder if your blessings
In front of me were already laid.
And I simply missed the sign.
Tell me Lord, are You still mine?
Have you given up?
Do you still care?
I'm sorry for ignoring you
When you tried to be there.
I thought I could save myself
But instead I sacrificed my health.
Now I feel I'm facing death.
Now I feel there's nothing left.
I'm so scared
And nobody knows but You.
Lord take my hand
And tell me what I'm supposed to do.
I want to glorify You, Lord.
Because I now see without You,
There'd be no me.
There'd be no us or we.
There'd be no he or she.
Just an empty world.
I am just a girl.
You can live through me.
I only ask that You take away my pains
I wake up each morning
And feel them over again
It scares me to feel
The brunt of my choices.
To know that I was wrong.
Now I must live with the resonance of dark voices.
I fight it every day.
And nobody knows but You
Only You, Lord
Can know my purpose and truth.