Sheep in a Jeep (Part 2)

Let's continue that conversation...

As a marketing tool, do you realize that in no way, shape, or form do you benefit? In fact, you have become a live robot and they all know what buttons to push to make you work. As young people we are constantly bombarded with images and sounds that penetrate the depths of our minds and change our opinions without us even catching on. All they have to do is convince us that it either looks good or sounds good and that it's going to improve our standing with others and we're "in there like sin."

And, indeed, it is a sin. It's crazy that it took me this long to realize what kind of mess I was caught up in. For years I was stuck in this "party life". I don't think I ever really partied for any particular reason. In fact, I had no business being out there. I was, by all definitions, a screw up. I graduated from high school but I kept dropping out or getting kicked out of college. Why? Because I couldn't get myself to focus on the future hard enough to understand that what I was partaking in was a temporary pleasure that would only take me further away from positivity. Why do I say that? Well, for one, being in that scene is all about "the moment." It's not about the past or the future. It's just about...a moment. And when it's all said and done, I look back and all I see are...moments.  I don't have any period of time where there was consistency or longevity. Just moments. How could I expect anything good to happen within...a moment?! Real change takes time. It certainly takes longer than the time it used to take me to get trashed! Yet, the world tells us that it's okay to only focus on moments. The world tells us it's okay to "live in the moment" and act on instinct. When did acting on your unfocused instinct ever land you in a positive situation?

This lifestyle that the world accepts and promotes is all about them making a dollar off of you. And by "them", I mean business owners of multi-million dollar companies that don't give a damn about your welfare and happiness. They make up the definition of happiness and sell it to you in a bottle of Ciroc or whatever new and hot drink Fabolous, Luda, or Weezy shouts out! I'm not judging because, like I said, I did it. I've been there and done that. But the further I move from that old life, my eyes are opened to the ways of this world that are truly disheartening. At times I get really angry and upset about how this world has tainted so many things and taken away our ability to be unique. There's so many things that block us but we can't see because we're walking through the thick of the fog!

And at the end of that fog, will we be happy with who we see? Do you think God would be pleased knowing that we got caught up in other people's definition of what it means to be happy and accepted? Probably not. My stepmom always says, "God is not the author of confusion." And I truly believe that the enemy has blinded many of us at one time or another because we live in a world where there are too many options to please yourself. You can go to this club, or that club. You can get drunk off this or that. You can sleep with this person or that person. "Pick your poison," they say. And it will all kill you, yet we have all used these killers to please ourselves...

My question is, who decided these things were okay? And when did everyone start to follow suit?

Sheep in a Jeep.

I haven't gone "off" like this in some time, but I feel compelled to say something more...something deeper than what is being said nowadays. Nowadays, everyone wants to be heard. Sometimes, however, they're not really saying anything. It just SOUNDS GOOD. I want my words to effect change in a positive way. I want people to read this and wake up as I have awaken to the person I became and eventually turned away from. This world has truly changed for the worst, and I don't know IF it can return. However, I hope one day we can get back to a place where people have basic respect for others and themselves! And more importantly, I pray that we all get back to KNOWLEDGE OF SELF.

Let's talk about that concept. When you know where you're coming from, you know where you're going. When you don't know who you are, you go through means to discover yourself. And many times, in my opinion, that becomes a bad thing. It's like trial and error..."Gee, wonder if this'll work!" Lol. I've learned that nothing in this world can help you discover who you are as a person, yet almost everyone I've met uses material to define themselves. I'm noticing that more and more. I admit I did it too. But that is not truth. That's not realistic. These "things" aren't eternal. They are trends. Trends come and go. So when something comes and goes, how can you use it to define yourself? You'll surely come and go as well! But I guess that's what we call "Keeping up with the times". And in keeping up with the times, we've become a world full of people who believe whatever the news tells us, wear whatever they say is the latest and greatest, speak whatever lingo is popular based off the newest song, and drink the most popular alcohol shouted out in a song. Who are you? Are you your own person, or have you become a marketing tool? "Put a pin in it, we'll come back to that."

Got soul?

From soul to soul
You slash and burn
Taking what you need
And destroying the rest.
You feed your hunger
And throw out what's left.
You tried to kill me
And couldn't.
Now it's someone different.
You shouldn't.
What is this desire in you
That causes you to take?
What is this desire in you
That causes you to break
Whatever is near
And whatever is closest
To you?
From soul to soul
You grab ahold.
You don't want to let go
Because yours is so cold.
The warmth of it soothes you
And the life of it moves you.
But when there is none left
To keep you,
You are through.

Prophesied

I asked for a sign
Even though I saw Your work.
I tried looking deeper
Though I couldn't even see the surface.
I asked for a sign
And you sent someone with a message.
I tried to read into it
Though it was more than literal.
I couldn't hear you speak to me
And I still can't.
But I know I see you everywhere
In my life
In this world.
I see Your clarity where others stand blinded.
I see Your presence where others stand alone.
I see Your mercy when others stand at the end of their rope.
Lord I see You
Full of grace
The sign you give to us all
Is love.
So why did I not see?
Why did I not hear You?
Why do we ask for miracles
And acts that will amaze us
When you show us each day?
We expect life.
We demand happiness.
All with little to no praise.
All with no trust in Your promise.
We seek our own dreams
Instead of seeking to live out Your plan.
Maybe it is that I cannot hear You
Because there is too much of me...
Lord take it away and live through me.
So I can be in tune with Your word
Visually.
Audibly.
With all of me.

God's Love

Sometimes I wish I had a somebody
Until I realize there's nobody
That can supply my emotional needs like God.
Nobody that can fill me with peace.
Nobody that can save me from myself.
He takes me to places I've never been,
Even if I don't have the means.
He makes a way even through the murkiest waters
When I alone would find myself adrift.
He knows me better than anyone.
He knows my heart when I make a mistake.
He knows my mind when something is said wrong.
He knows my future when I alone am doubtful.
I trust in Him because He's already carried me far
And I look back and see His faithfulness.
Then I realize I haven't been as faithful as He.
How could He love me after I've gone astray so many times?
How could He have given up His only son for someone like me?
I'm a nobody compared to His awesome power.
And yet, He has a specific purpose for me!
Now, that's love.

Interested...

You interest me.
The way you glide in a room,
Standing tall yet humble,
The way you speak to me
Almost in a mumble.
Confident yet your head is down.
You smile yet there's a slight frown.
You interest me.
At first glance one might say they knew you,
Yet you defied the life you went through.
Possessing a talent one might not expect
I wonder why we haven't formally met.
I see you all the time and I become shy.
Like a child I can't seem to look you in the eye.
You interest me...

The Dream

The dream was inescapable
I couldn't seem to ignore it
Wherever I went in life
It seemed to follow behind
Haunting my thoughts
Appearing in moments of failure.
It was an idea of grandeur.

Could it simply be an illusion?
Maybe. But it was mine.
I wore it like the finest linen
In the summertime.
It was mine and I used it.
I wiped my tears away
With the cloth of possibility.
To me it was and is tangible.

So I decided to chase after it.
All the struggles that my dream endured
Seemed to turn into my misfortune.
It told me I was going to capture it...
Not that easily.
And so I followed it's every move,
Every twist and turn.
Until one day, it turned around.

And here I am.
I find myself face to face with my dream.
I feel its breath upon my face
Anticipating my next move.
What shall I do?
For so long I ran away in fear.
But there is no longer anxiety,
Just excitement.
I'm ready.

I mastered you
But you can't tell it yet
I know your secrets
Even the ones you haven't dispelled.
I see the pain behind the shrewd antics.
And though your scent be sweet
I can tell you've become rancid.
Your lies tell a greater truth
To who you are but they don't listen.
The worry in your face
Is masked by rouged cheeks
And painted lids so they can't see.
But I spotted your essence
Before you even knew me...

Cause & Effect

You speak boldly into lives
With no real love in your heart.
You don't think they see that?
You don't think they hear that?
Your hate leaves lasting effects
Yet you speak boldly into lives...
Like water flowing into a cup.
Well my cup runneth over.
I don't care to hear your hate filled lies.
Speak the truth and admit it was you.
Take the blame and let it rest
Right onto your shoulders.
And stop spreading your hate
Like salve on a wound.
You speak too boldly into lives
When your life has been silently dying.
You cry out in darkness
When no ones around
So you don't have to admit this hate.
But I see it surround you
Along with your ill justifications.
You speak too boldly into lives
But soon the day will come
When someone will speak into yours
And you won't have a thing to say.

The Man.

You don't care because it didn't hit you.
While it's hitting everyone else you sit back
And wait for the shit to pile up
While you watch your dollars stack
And laugh.
Ha! Your smirk says it all.
Rising to the top while you watch others fall.
A pitiful sight to see them in the pit
Knowing you had a hand in it.
But you won't care until it hits you.

Want.

Sometimes what you want
Isn't really what you want.
You walk around wanting this or that
Not asking yourself what you'd do if you got it.
Are you after what you want
Or the feeling you get
From finally getting what you want?
You see, sometimes what you want
Isn't really what you deserve.
You walk around selling yourself short
Not asking yourself if you can do better.
Do you really want what you're after,
Or are you just settling for what you can get?
You see, sometimes what you want
Isn't what you need.
You walk around not thinking about your priorities.
Do you really need that?
Or have you just trying to keep up
With what they say you should want?
You see, sometimes what you want
Is just that.
Just because you want it
Doesn't mean you should have it.

The Calling

What is my calling?
I know my talents.
I always did.
But what is my calling?
Is God going to honor my prayer
And allow me to use my talents?
I cannot fake
What I do not possess.
And so I hope my talents
Are my calling.
Dear Lord
That would be
The greatest dream
Come true.
To live out my life
Using what you blessed me with
To use for your word.
Lord use me.

Wordsmith.

My verbiage is my currency.
I withdraw from it
When I need to expel knowledge,
As in kick it to you.
Now, my words may abuse you
Because when I step, I step firmly.
And she, meaning I, do it so smoothly,
As in with little effort.
I ease into it but for you, it may hurt.
My dialect has only been heard
From a few
And some try to do what I do
But they fail, which entails misery.
It loves company but I only do me.
When I am lonely I breed art.
No time for dramatic "thems"
Because I'm too smart.
Intellect unwavering although I
Have waved bye-bye to common sense.
But sensible I remain over all,
And overall I am too strong in God to fall
Victim. Victorious I am
And to my fellow victorians I suggest you stand
Tall. Or short depending on your stature.
Whatever it is that you do, become a master.

Random Thought

When you do things for pure attention, you have to top what you did last to maintain that attention. When you do what you do because that's who you are, you tend not to get noticed...BUT at least you're not living up to the standards of others and you can rest your head at night knowing that you stayed true to your character. IN OTHER WORDS...Stop living for the attention of others because you will lose yourself in the midst of all of the nonsense!

Self Esteem

I never felt that way before.
Feeling myself until I couldn't anymore.
Nothing sexual, it was simply pure.
Feeling myself because I had so much more.
I stood tall and stuck out my chest
Because I understood why God made me one of the best.
And maybe you don't think so but I feel it in my heart.
I know for a fact He made me smart.
I know for a fact I come from queens and kings.
So why didn't I have self esteem?
It's a battle I fought for so long
But I'm through singing that ole' tired song!
I'm feeling myself and I'm ready to claim my prize
Cause I can see God's work through my beautiful brown eyes.

Definitions

My vernacular hasn't been deciphered...
Yet they race for the chance to define me
With their coined metaphors
That leave them poor in their thoughts.
They used their one good word on me...
Different.

Is that all you've got in your box of ideas?
You've turned me into a last minute college essay
Breaking me down and taking me
Out of context until I am reduced
And I fit into the topic
That you have created.

Yet I stand here baffled by the dichotomy
Of being lost while finding my own meaning.
Who is this girl that stands before me?
Ridden with a million thoughts per minute
Yet is unable to expel one clear one on paper.
Yet I still refuse your meaningless labels.

Who wants vocabulary variance?
We'll be at a stand still before I concede
To the notion that I am who I appear to be
Or to a meaning in a book whose author is blindly vigilant.
I regret to inform you of the homonymous nature of things.
And while you conspire to make me into your adjectives,
Remember that I am simply a noun.