Depth

From the depths you speak
On life and death.
Expelling with care
Each word and each breath.
You've put careful thought
Into every syllable
Silent moments are minimal.
You've waited for this moment
To share this special something.
And at the end I realize...
You said absolutely nothing...

WOW REALLY?! Lol.

The Last Days

My prayer is that my friends that I was close to, or at least cool with, realize the truth about this life. Life is more than what we can see and understand. Many questions will not be answered. Many want to know their purpose. Are you one of them? I know I have always been that type of person who yearned to know what my destiny was. And I'm finally on the path to finding out. I would have never found it doing what I was doing. And I realize now that gaining a relationship with Christ is what has filled me with peace of mind and contentment. Money will always come and go. So why rely on it? Friends come and go. Relationships come and go. So why look to people to bring joy to your life? Moments of excitement come and go. So why live only to stimulate your senses and your urges? I believe we are approaching end times, but I don't think tonight at 6pm is our last moment. I think God is sending us signs. As tragic as many of these signs are, I think it's an opportunity to rely on God for guidance. I think this is the perfect time to build a relationship if you don't have one with Him. I believe this is the right time to allow Christ to live in you. This is not the time to get it poppin' and continue to live how you want to live. Do you really think you are on this Earth to simply do what it is you want to do? God has greater plans for each and every one of us, if we only allow Him to work and do what He does best! Do you think we are only here to indulge in our innermost desires just because the opportunity presents itself? Since I left my old life and accepted Christ, I've asked myself many questions in hopes of figuring out why I was the way I was. It is only when I asked God to reveal my weaknesses and faults that I began to truly see. I was on my way to hell and I didn't even realize it. It started off small when I started going to the club and eventually I got into a few things that were just plain ole' wrong. But sin loves more sin. And I certainly had to step back and look at what I had become. Maybe some want to measure the level of sin, but sin is equal in His eyes. And it's just time to put aside the excuses and get right! My brother said it best, "You either want to live for Christ, or you don't." Some will be mad at reading this, but it's the truth. God isn't looking for sometime-y people. He's looking for dedicated children to do His work. Just like people dedicate themselves to dedicate themselves to hitting the club every weekend without fail, that's how you could be using your time for God! Trust me, I know what it is because I came from that life, and I realized that you either have to go all the way or not at all! This salvation thing is nothing to play with and it makes me sad to see people make a joke out of it! These really are the end days because people have no fear of God anymore! SMH.

Feet To Faith

I know there is a journey I need to embark on, but for so long I have been fearful of that path. It has been so hard for me to envision anything, quite honestly. There are many things I'm skilled at. There are many things I'm passionate about, all of which I do not necessarily have skill for. There are many things I can see myself doing. However, I don't know what it is I'm meant to do. And that's a scary thought. I mean, it's so hard to walk a path to which you don't know the destination! We all walk those paths but to walk one that is so different from what you thought you'd be doing is even harder to do! And so, I admittedly haven't been stepping out of my comfort zone too much. I can only take so much before I break down. But lately something has sparked within me. I looked down the road and the image of the destination wasn't clear to me. However, something looked promising this time. Even though I'm not sure of the peaks and valleys, I feel something that reassures me. I feel something that says, "Go ahead, Kendra. Take a chance." And so I am. This is about trusting God. I'm not talking about it too much lately, I'm just trying to do it and live through it. But I know that whatever the results, I'd rather trust God and see where He will bring me than to sit idly and never accomplish a thing!

Author Unknown...but this is awesome!!

The Greatest man in History, Jesus, had no servants, yet they called Him Master, had no degree, yet they called Him Teacher, had no medicines, yet they called Him Healer, had no army, yet kings feared Him, won no military battles, yet He conquered the world, committed no crime, yet they crucified Him...He was buried in a tomb, yet He ...lives today... Remember the reason for the Season

Life Lessons Revisited

I used to write these blog posts about the different lessons I learned over time. I randomly found them and read them over tonight and it hit me: Many of the views I had were so twisted in that moment that I couldn't even see what was really see what was going on in my life. I truly had no clarity. Anyway...here are some of the former ideas I had about life versus what I feel now!


1. "-People will only do what you allow them to do...If you allow someone to disrespect you, they will not stop! Recognize the signs and know when to hold your position!"...I learned that this is truly easier said than done. It's easier to say that you're going to cut off someone you care about until you realize the history and the fact that you are concerned for that person. I also learned that some people will mistreat others no matter what they do or how they react. That lack of respect is just IN them and there's nothing you can do. What I'm trying to say is that there are just some people you stay away from!!!


2. "-People are going to think what they want about you. Get over it! NO point in explaining yourself because they already know how they feel about you. It's done. Finito. Lol."  This is true, but to a point. People normally figure out what they feel about a person within moments of meeting him or her. However, if someone automatically thinks negatively about you, there's no reason why you should play into it. I'm not necessarily saying you have to break it down to them and explain every good thing about you, but allow them to see you for who you really are. Hopefully that will contradict what they originally thought. If not, then you can move on knowing that you at least tried! 


3. "-You can try to make something work if you want it bad enough, but sometimes it's better to cut your losses and realize that what you want isn't always what you need and therefore it's not worth the trouble! (True Story!)"...I'm pretty sure I wrote this in reference to my past relationship. That opinion has definitely changed. In reference to relationships, I changed what I want and what I'm willing to work for. Before I wanted everything that was bad for me, now I look for the good (and you know I'll work for that)! And as far as guys, that's not even of interest to me right now. It's all about school and building my relationship with God. I'm no longer searching. He can find me when God says the time is right! In other words, I don't have to work for a man to be there for me. :-)


4. "-Life's relationships are full of revolving doors. When one person exits, another one enters to take their place! Still not sure if that's a good thing or bad thing yet...lol. It just is what it is though!'...I learned that this is neither good nor bad. It's just how things work! Some people are there for you to help and others might be there to show you things about yourself you never realized. Others support, others leech. Whatever the case may be, you should always take something away from your interactions! If you keep meeting the same type of person, maybe you missed the lesson the first time! Either way, you're going to keep encountering that person until you learn your lesson! I know I learned mine! 


5. "People are quick to give blame instead of looking at their own faults. We've all done it. Don't make it a habit though!" ...Man, this is so true! Too bad when I wrote it I was full of those very excuses I talked about! It was all my fault. Maybe some unfortunate events did happen. And maybe some people did make it harder for me but at the end of the day, it was all about how I reacted. After all, it is my life! 


6.  "Happiness is what you make of it...don't expect a person, place, or thing to make you happy. It starts from within. Everything else is just icing on the cake!"...So true! And I always wanted to be that way but I find myself truly living it only as of recent. I'm alone with no friends but I have a strength in me that I never knew existed. I always relied on the thought that I had friends around to be there when I was down and it was more of a distraction than being truly happy. Once my environment changed and I didn't really have anyone I began to reconnect with God and then me! I had to address the real problems and stop hiding behind everything!


7."It's not about lowering your expectations, it's about opening your mind to the different possibilities. Sometimes what you think you want isn't the best thing for you!"...When you lower your expectations you get fecal matter. Lol. When you open your mind you learn new and exciting things. Too bad most people settle! It's just a reality!


8. "Just because everyone tells you you're wrong doesn't mean you aren't completely valid!" ...I learned that it depends on who you're surrounded by. If you're around a bunch of people who truly know a thing or two and can counsel you, be open to what they have to say. If everyone's telling you that you act triflin' then it's probably true!! Lol. Just sayin...

Vocabulary assault

I wrote this about a compilation of people I've come into contact with over the years. I always have at least one person a year who annoys the hell out of me, as bad as that sounds (Sorry!) And it's usually because they just have a stinky attitude (for lack of a better adjective). I usually like to be there for people. I pride myself on being able to see good in people even when things are not right. After all, nobody is perfect. But when you try to be nice to certain people and they're just...IGNORANT, it's hard to get through to them. And for that matter, nobody else can get through to them either!...This is my rant. Lol.



I thought I was understanding
Until I realized I couldn't stand you.
I couldn't specifically reason why,
But I think it was your treason.
You live a lie and try to hide openly,
Broken but you try to look put together.
I tried to support you in spirit,
But didn't want to be a feather in your flock.
Admittedly judgmental
Towards your lack of judgment.
When I hate on you it hits the spot.
I don't hate from envy,
As I only hate what you embody.
You are everything that's wrong with this world...
Only focused on being the flyest girl.
Beautiful in all actuality
But you do to much to appeal visually.
Your lack of respect is obvious
And your attitude is probably just...
Temperamental.
I tried to visualize the path you walked
But when you talk it negates my compassion.
What is this that has happened?
Am I justified in detaching myself,
Or should I love everyone with all of me that is left?
I make daily attempts to see past people's flaws
As I know I have made many faux pas.
But it seems that some I just can't forgive

I sing a silent song
That most don't know the words to.
Some have tried to sing along
But can't seem to stay in tune.
I changed some lyrics
And the key that the instruments play.
But you can still see
The dried tears on the score's page.

Visions

"Vision is produced by man while revalation is given by God." I believe this because how many times have YOU or I honestly sat there and created what we wanted to become? We could envision it in our minds. We just knew that because we wanted to be this certain thing...we could see it happening in order to become it. I grew up knowing what I wanted to be. I daydreamed during class and dreamed of it at night while I slept. I always wanted to help people. I always wanted to do good by helping those less fortunate. Even though it was good, was it what God wanted? All these questions and realizations have been coming into view with each lesson that God throws at me to catch. Before this, my good intentions always got me in a rut. Why? Because I wanted to help people but ended up getting caught up myself. I did wrong in order to do right, which doesn't make any sense when I think back on it. However,this is not unlike many others who have been in the same situation...dreaming of who they want to be in the future. When their future becomes their present, they find that their vision changes into something similar but nonetheless different. They do what "they have to do". But is it what God wants for them? What I learned yesterday at bible study is that even though you have a vision to do good, it is not really from God. God never gives you a vision as a leader without giving you the tools or the strength to follow through to become what He has predestined you to be. Things have changed a lot for me. Where I once was a dreamer, a visionary... I now find myself looking to God for what He envisions me to be. And whether or not I want to be that is a different thing in itself. For I avowed myself to Him to do what He will. And so He shall.

Mirror image?

I been tryin' to do me.
But when I look in the mirror
It ain't me I see.
You see, individually,
I was just like he and she.
Simple minded
Myself, I couldn't find it.
So I went to the store to buy it.
Copped that and copped out!
Had to wonder what I was really about.
Had to grab the bullshit by the horns
Cause it was takin' ova like a storm.
Tearin' up what was never built up
Had me stressed out as f___
Cussing in His name and yours.
I couldn't cut you foreal but my words were swords.
Daggers for eyes with a sharp tongue
Never on the brightside so solemn songs were sung.
Always a story, an excuse, a reason
For my failures when it was my fault
That I wasn't ever in season.
Bleeding from self inflicted wounds
All because I lived out of His tune...
All because I thought I had to be brand new.
All because I thought life was a game
But I was wrong, so I would always lose.
Bruised but never broken,
I allowed Him in and His word was spoken.
His love had me open
Like that honeymoon phase
Had me in a daze for days...
Months even. Now I find myself seekin'.
Not for myself. Not for latest.
But for the greatest. For Him.
He's better than all of them
Including me. I had to be cra-zy
Out my right mind, to think I could find
The solution in this funny house mirror
Called my life.

Exodus 13:17-22...Never thought about it that way. God is trying to take us the long way home! Though with this route we oftentimes have to resist what it is WE want to do, know that it is worth way more than the satisfaction from any temporary temptation. Shortcuts are often filled with unexpected setbacks and problems. And since we don't want to deal with those, we often give up and return to what we know, using the "at least I tried" philosophy. But did you really try? I've learned that real "trying" is about persevering despite all the trials and tribulations that the enemy throws at you. Real "trying" involves relying on God to get you through it when you know you couldn't even imagine doing it on your own! God wants us to grow closer to Him, and like any relationship we have to work at it. That takes time. If the route is too short, you won't appreciate Him as much. Taking the long way home can only strengthen your bond with God. As I grow in this journey I am amazed at the things I learn each day! I praise Him for leading me. I don't ever want to go back to Egypt! :-)