Failure

Failure is not an option when it comes to God. I don't want to be one of those people who start off on fire for Him and end up back in the world. That's not what I want. I don't want to go back out there knowing what I know now. I don't want to go back after truly realizing who I was and what I had become. It's hard to live this life walking with Christ. It's one of the most difficult things I've ever done in my entire life. But then again, it wasn't just about action. It was in my heart to change. My spirit is where that desire to be new in Him was born. I couldn't have done this on my own. I would have failed, like I always did. Let's look at that idea.

When you fail, most times it's because it's not in your heart. It's about YOU controlling the outcome. And the reality of life is that none of us control anything. We like to think that we do, but it's all about God. He is the only one that can determine what happens. We like to throw these labels on ourselves and wear them as a badge of honor by saying we're independent, intelligent, hard-working...Why?...When despite all of our "efforts" we can still end up in the worst of the worst situations? And yet, we continue to live without giving respect and praise to the only One who is in control. Oh, sure we say "Thank God I'm alive" or "Thank God for waking me up this morning" but then we go right back out into the world and keep doing what WE want to do! I finally see that after all these years of doing the same thing and not being successful, I understand the reason is that I never put Him first in all of this. I had my own plans, my own motives. And all of them were about pleasing myself. I didn't really care about anyone else, or God even. He must've been disappointed in me...I know I would've been.

Failure is powerful. At the end of it, failure can leave you feeling worthless. And when you feel worthless you don't step out. You are ashamed. You might feel guilty because you did something you knew was wrong. You might be angry at yourself. You might feel all of the above. Whatever the outcome, the worst one is when you don't learn from it. It's the worst when you fail and go right back into doing what just caused you to fail! I did that a lot of times, but I couldn't see where I was going wrong. I thought I had the reason, but it was my whole lifestyle that was the main problem. It's funny how we as humans try to problem solve. And many times we miss the bigger picture. We think we've got it figured out, but we fail to see and understand the interconnected workings of our lives. We fail to know our true selves.

But I think the first step in getting out of the habit of failing is recognizing the failure and knowing that you can't do it alone. Without Him, our efforts go unnoticed and don't amount to anything. You think coincidence really exists?! Ha. I dare you to find an instance where God wasn't on the job! Even through all my mess I can look back and see that God was protecting me. There are times when I could've easily died....that time I blacked out. That time I got in the car and we were drunk driving to CT on a highway covered in slush and black ice? I've done some straight up FOOLISH things and I look back and thank God for watching over me. That's not a coincidence that I made it out alive. It's not a coincidence that right as my mom was in her last years of life, my relationship with my father grew. It's not a coincidence that I'm rebuilding my relationship with God after all these years. And I'm a nobody in this world. I know that, but if He can save me from myself, why can't He save you?

Remember, failure is not an option! We were created to be more than what we limit ourselves to!