Dear Mama 2.0

I held your hand as you died.
I remember it like yesterday.
You said you knew it was your time
But that I'd be okay.
I don't know how you could ever think that would be the truth.
Cause every day I've been searchin' for pieces of you.
When I hear a song a memory comes into my head.
Even remember when you used to tuck me into bed.
My best friend, they said that I always shadowed you.
And it's true, I wanted to grow up and be just like you.
As I got older you said you weren't the best role model.
And as your health faded,
I picked up the closest bottle.
A rebel to the end
You told me to change my ways.
But I was young and didn't hear what you was tryna say.
As I look back I feel so foolish,
And sometimes I cry
Because I didn't take advantage
When I had the time.
I would've done so many things
So very differently.
I would've tried to understand you
And your love for me.
The strongest woman, I tried to learn what I could from you.
Because you suffered,
But it never took the good from you.

My father told me that God places people for a reason.
And I know now that this is true,
Even if for a season.
You were my mentor
And you taught me everything I know.
I'm noticing things coming back to me more as I grow.
I tapped into my strength
Just like you always told me to.
And I'm not perfect but I feel there's nothing I can't do.
Finally reaching the beginning of my life.
But I'm hurt to know that physically,
You'll never see my flight.
And I think you knew that I would meet my dad
And experience the life that,
Before we didn't have.
But it was still great even though the hard times.
Cause we had God and each other so we were fine.
A true family
Even though fragmented.
But we shared so many good times
I know I won't forget it.
A piece of me went with you when you went away.
Now I'm only left with pictures and memories every day.
I hope you're proud even though I'm not where I should be.
This is my letter to you Mom.
Sincerely, Me. <3